Monday, 12 June 2017

Making Decisions

I'm in a quandry, do I give that new medication another try, and risk another episode of vertigo. or go to a similar drug that I've used before?

I felt so good for those few days, I was tempted to try again, but have now decided not to take the chance.

I had lunch with my daughter today, and realize I need to be proactive in my health care. Apparently my one granddaughter said something to her sister about my falling (during my vertigo episode), and they were both upset and worried. That led to the discussion at lunch as to the fact that they have never seen me well. As long as they have been born I have been gradually deteriorating.

I've consistently put the effort out to give them things to remember me by, the crocheted items, scrapbooks and their cookbooks. But the one thing they need from me now is time.

If I start to take better care of myself, I'll have more quality time with them.

I know the feelings I have for my grandmother, and if they feel the least bit like that, I need to be strong. Lord knows I love them all.

Monday, 5 June 2017


Well, it's been four days off the new medication, and no more vertigo, thank goodness. My pain has been manageable, but I miss those three days when it was better, when I felt an uplifting of my mood, and was looking forward to more activity.

I think the weeks I spent in the Pain Management Workshop last year is worth a repeat. Maybe I'll not feel like such a failure and will try the other one, Living with a Chronic Illness.

It's easy to give in to the pain, when everything is a struggle. My neighbor and I commiserate with each other, but it is still depressing that she has just had her 90th birthday and walks all over town. Some days I find walking to the bathroom too painful.

It doesn't help that I'm losing upper body strength, and find holding my head up extremely fatiguing. I push through the standing, walking, sitting with no support, enough to get the groceries and family events. But pushing through has a cost.

I was on a different NSAID for over fifteen years, been off it for years, but will contact my doctor and see if I can try it again. I'm leery of giving the new prescription another try, even at a lower dosage.

Whatever works.

Friday, 2 June 2017


First off, I'd like to apologize to anyone who has suffered from vertigo, because I may not have been as understanding or empathetic as I could have been. I have balance issues with my MS, have to be touching something to stay steady, can't look up, can't be in the dark, but none of that compares to the vertigo I suffered when I woke up this morning.

I woke up and stood at the side of the bed to judge the pain, which has been much better since the new med. When I took my first step I was all over the place, slammed into the door frame of the bathroom, hit the wall and basically fell onto the toilet. What the hell was that, I wondered.

Didn't get any better so I spent most of the morning in bed, finally getting up so I could get something to eat to take my medication. Wondering if this could be the new pill, as opposed to a new MS symptom, I called the pharmacist. It is a possible side effect of the new med, so I didn't take it today to see if the vertigo goes away.

I feel somewhat better, though that's not saying much considering where I started the day. Not wanting to spend the day in bed I've been trying to sit up for awhile, and so far so good, until I stand and move.

It's been like standing on the deck of a ship in a storm, with rolling waves. At times I feel a little seasick.

My ankle still hurts from this morning, so maybe I gave it a bad landing in addition to hitting the door. And my elbow aches, so maybe I hit it too. I guess I'm feeling more pain, because I've not taken any pain relievers.

Tomorrow should be interesting. Will this be gone and I can say it's the medication, or an I being given another challenge with this miserable disease? Only time will tell.

Thursday, 1 June 2017

Dem Bones, Dem Bones

Yesterday was day 2 on the new medication. I felt I had a bit more energy, and was moving around better.

I even managed to get the fairy lights attached to my black metal plant stand, with a lot of bending and reaching. I hate when I can hear the bones in my knee rub, and worried about the pain I would feel as a result, but there was none.

Today, I'm still moving better than usual, and pain is mild, a change for me.

My wrist aches, and is bothersome, but that may be my own fault for not sleeping with a brace on, to keep it straight.

I've taken today's pill, and am sitting here, upright, as directed. I'm not to lie down for at least a half hour after, in case of reflux I guess.

The sun is shining, the skies are blue, and my pain is being managed. Seems like it's a good day.

Tuesday, 30 May 2017

New Meds

I've been feeling down, the pain getting to me, along with the rain and miserable chilly damp weather.

I saw my doctor yesterday, and have two new prescriptions. One is a NSAID, a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug, a new one for me as I spent more than 10 years on Naprosyn, for the joint pain that has plagued me since my twenties.

Between the usual, my usual, MS symptoms, and the pain, it's been a rough year so far. My fatigue is so bad, I'm the Queen of Naps, an expert at the afternoon snooze. Does the pain make the fatigue worse, I'd say yes, as activity is a struggle.

The second medication I'm going to try is for nerve pain. That's very definitely related to the MS. I have pain running down the outside of my legs, numbness in my feet and stabbing pins and needles in my right thigh. Then there's the sharp stabbing pain in my fingertips...all nerve related.

So, I've taken the one new medication this morning, and am awaiting the results though the paper explaining the drug says it needs two weeks for full effect.

Today should have been a crash day, after driving out of town to the doctor, waiting for the prescriptions, shopping for a few groceries, but I feel surprisingly good. I've been on my computer, have walked out to water my plants and have the dishes done, almost as the last pan is still soaking.

We'll just have to wait and see. Here's hoping.

Wednesday, 24 May 2017

In my Garden

My daughter and her husband took me to Canadian Tire today to get the mulch for my garden and the last of the plants I needed. I do so love the slave labor.

As I was not up to walking too far today I used the walker so I could sit when needed. Back home I sat on the grass and watched my son-in-law spread the mulch while my daughter planted the last of the plants. It was great to have the help to get a few things done that would tax my energy and cause me pain.

 I was sitting in the walker on the grass and streaming out the fairy lights as my son-in-law attached them to the trio of trellises against the wall. I pushed the walker back a bit, and suddenly felt myself falling backward. Luckily for me I was able to stand, if I had fallen back I would have smashed my head on the concrete sidewalk behind me.

The bruise I have on my shin from earlier moving the patio chair is all the injury I need for today. I had a close call, but a beautiful garden.

Tuesday, 2 May 2017

Annual MS Walk

This is the 4th year that my wonderful family gathered to make the MS Walk. It was a dull and dreary day, rainy and wet but that didn't dampen our spirits.

I picked the little ones up at the half way point, and took them to the school, the meeting point. There we listened to music as we waited for the gang to arrive. We had lunch and took part in the usual festivities...the silent auction, the awards. We won the award for most spirited team, which we can add to our awards from previous years, team name and team costume.

We wear neon green T-shirts as of year 2. The next year we added baseball type caps, in black with a neon green brim. I also made name tags, the ones in plastic covers you can hang around your neck, in, of course, neon. I did each person's name in a different font and added the team name on the back. I figured we could add the years as we went along.

I found some neon green mitts for the kids, which were a welcome item this year as it was cold and damp.

Not sure what to add next year, shoe laces maybe, or scarves.

I don't know if the family realizes how important this day is for me. It is like Christmas, only I get the big gift. I love seeing the team picture every year, and find it amazing to see the changes in the grandkids.

This year I saw a woman in an electric wheelchair, totally dependent. She was there with her helper, and for the first time, it bothered me. I felt a sense of fear and dread, could that be me, and how soon? I guess it hit me worse this year because I struggle more every day, can feel this downward spiral I've been on the last few years.

I have given up more and more, so I want to hold on tight to what I can do. I fear the day when I can no longer be creative, and am not sure what I will do when that day comes.

Didn't want to put a damper on the good mood, but I need to be honest with myself. "It is what it is".