The Comfort of Chronic Pain

I don't know what is going on with my shoulders. The pain in my right shoulder has eased off, so maybe rest was all it needed. I just realized it was better when the left shoulder started up, again.

Maybe this is part of the travelling Fibromyalgia pain show. You never know where the pain will hit next.

It's a comfort, in a weird way, to have chronic pain. At least then you know what hurts and why, Like I know my left knee is shot and bending, walking (especially on uneven ground) will cause me pain. Same goes for my back, wrists and hands. I do an activity and I'll feel some discomfort.

When I get a new pain that is more than a fleeting twinge, I have to wonder why, and what is causing it.

Like last night. I got a pain in my right rib cage, something new, that persisted all evening and into the night. Today...gone. At the same time, my left shoulder started aching, but not the same kind of pain as I have in the right. This pain extends up into my neck and causes numbness in my hand.

I'm sure HEART ATTACK may have crossed your mind, as it did mine, for just a second. I went that route a year ago, finally diagnosed with anxiety related chest pain. Meds had taken care of that, so I'm back to the Fibromyalgia.

Old pains, the chronic ones, are...a pain...but at least you know where you stand.

Still Learning

I've never been much of a joiner. The things I usually prefer doing, like writing and art, are solitary activities.

But I decided to join this 6 week workshop about chronic pain because, being honest here, the pain was getting me down and I knew I was giving in to it.

I learned a lot during these last few weeks, and have made some changes in my life, in my attitude.

It's been a productive week, got some art work done, taxes completed and mailed, house work complete (I did 't do the work but I did pick up).

So this morning, the sun was shining and it looked beautiful out. When I woke early the back pain was bad so had another little sleep on the heating pad and when I got up an hour later, it was better.

I drove to my daughter's place, and though she wasn't home, my granddaughter was. While she got ready, we contacted her Mom and waited for her sister to come home. Then we hit the streets for garage sales. All totaled we hit three places, plus Timmie's for coffee.

Everybody bought something, and I found some interesting metal pieces for my art project. We had lunch (not very healthy, mind you), poutines, from the chip truck before I took the girls home.

I was in pain, needed to lie down, but feeling good, if you know what I mean.

I made it to my heating pad and had a nap, and rested as I started the new book I'd picked up at the Treasure Trove. A good day that I would have missed if I'd given in.

All in all, a good day. I need to do this more often, and isn't it nice that this new awakening has come when the weather is getting better.

I Think I Can, I Think I Can

I can't remember the exact story, was it something about a little train trying to make it up the hill, saying I think I can, I think I can?

I'm trying to keep this positive thinking going...so...I think I can.

Yesterday was a good day, considering I had no hot water and my day got all mixed up. I wanted to put the dishes I'd ignored the night before in the sink, to soak, while I had my shower. Had the sink filled before I realized it was cold water.

I'm glad the sequence was dishes then shower, because that water was really cold, and I wouldn't have wanted to be under the shower spray when I discovered the hot water tank was gone.

I spent the day working on art projects I'd had on the go, and was pleased with the results. Not so pleased when I went to wash out my paint brush and found they'd turned the water off.

So, we went from cold water, to no water, and after a time and a lot of sputtering to clear the lines of air...hot water. Yeah.

I didn't let it get me down, made it a stay home work day. And while I was sorting through the piles of paper for the collage project, I found the rough copy of my tax return. Oops, out of sight, out of mind. The deadline date is really close, like Monday.

So there is something positive to be said for not having hot water.

Now, showered and ready to go out, first thing is to mail my return, and that other government form I was to have sent in. All is good.

It's going to be a good day, and the sun will be shining when I'm ready to go out. Positive thinking.

Power of Positive Thinking

I was at my workshop yesterday... the one Living Better with Chronic Pain...and one of the topics was positive thinking.

I am a firm believer in the power of positive thinking, though I must admit it's not something I've practiced for some time. Years ago a colleague gave me a book with that title, The Power etc. and I read it and took it to heart. Another book I read at the time was called Choices. The combination was powerful.

The book Choices made me aware of the number of choices I make in a day, and how I was making some bad ones. Not all of these choices are major life issues, but can be as simple as "I chose not to eat that cream filled pastry, but chose the apple instead".

I used all of this and incorporated 'self talk' into my daily life. I became more aware of the mini choices, and chose better. I started feeling better about myself and part of that was losing weight. I gave myself the self talk as I drove to work...."Your metabolism is running high, it's going to be a good day" etc.

Unfortunately, in the following years, after my MS lost me my career, I forgot that self talk and positive thinking. Yesterday reminded me of that. I'm willing to give it another try, and hope it will end up in a weight loss again, as in those negative years I regained the weight I'd lost.

The day didn't start well, and I'm trying to turn it around. My self talk is bad start but it's all uphill from here. By afternoon I'll be feeling better and will do some painting.

The sun is shining, and I've been outside, done some deep breathing, have my windows open to the fresh air and the sounds of the birds. If I had my new chairs (on my To Do List) I'd be sitting outside enjoying my coffee. Positive thoughts, positive thoughts. I WILL get my new chairs this week, so I can enjoy the morning son on my patio.

Positive thoughts are another of those daily choices. What is that old saying...Life is what you make it?

Annual MS Walk for a Cure

The MS Walk was held yesterday, and my family make the trek in force. The group started last year to get into the team spirit and all wore neon green T-shirts. This year I ordered 12 matching hats, like ball caps, in black with a neon green front.

I was waiting at the library, a half way pit stop, and it made my heart proud to see this colorful group turn the corner and approach, laughing and smiling, having a good time. I've never worn a ball cap in my life, but I wore one yesterday.

I took my granddaughter, age 7, with me and we went on ahead to the school where the walk ended. She thinks we should add socks and gloves to our outfits for next year, and as it was cool enough yesterday, that's a good option.

We gathered at the school, listened to the music, ate the lunch provided and left, feeling good for our contribution in fighting this disease.

For the kids, this is an annual event, something they schedule and plan for. But, funny, they didn't talk about it, and as I don't get the E-mails about the event, it kind of snuck up on me. I assumed the kids had declined this year, maybe being too busy, or uninterested. And you know what they say about assumptions. So true, so true.

I did them a great disservice, for they were planning for it, just hadn't mentioned it until it got closer to the day. This one day equals Christmas in my mind, for the feelings of love and support I feel from the family. They may never understand what my day to day struggles are like, but I know they will be there for me, whenever and for whatever I might need.

Love you all, more than you will ever know..

Comedy of Errors

I was just out of the shower, when the phone rang. The caller's number was my friend, the one I was meeting for lunch in a few hours. Uh oh, change of plans?

I answered, could hear her voice, but obviously she couldn't hear me. We played the old phone tag, but couldn't manage to get through. I figured it was my phone, as there was some little icon on the screen. I didn't know what it meant, or how it got there, or, of course, how to get it off.

She left a message, but the phone wouldn't let me listen to it, kept telling me I had the wrong pass code, which I didn't.

The phone kept ringing, and each time I could hear the caller, but my end was silent. There was a new caller now, my son, and his voice was sounding more and more frustrated.

I understood his feelings, I was obviously answering the phone, but not speaking. He would immediately have worried that something had happened to me. I had to get the phone working.

My phone is not that complicated, two extensions, one by my chair, one by the bed, wireless, so I can move around and still talk. I played with the buttons, muted, un-muted, speaker, no speaker, and went over and over the numbers in my call list. Not sure what I did, but the little icon disappeared.

First, I called my friend. She wanted to know if I could do lunch today, instead of Monday, as she'd forgotten plans she'd made and double booked. I laughed and told her we were supposed to be having lunch today, as that was the plan, so all was good. Our plans had been made yesterday, over E-mail. It was her last day of work, and as she was retiring after thirty years. I can imagine the confusion and emotionally charged atmosphere at the work place, so many thoughts and feelings going through her head.

I called my son, to relieve his mind and now all is well with my world. I'm getting lunch out with a friend, and what better way to spend what looks like a dismal rainy day.

Tests Completed

Finally made it the 60 + K to the clinic to get the x-rays and ultrasound of my shoulder. It's a shame my doctor is so far away, but then when we began, I lived away. A good doctor is hard to find, so I guess I'll keep on trekking north when the need presents.

It is amazing the things that cause pain in the shoulder, things that seemed effortless a couple of months ago. Like pulling the covers back in the morning, wiping the kitchen counter or picking up a full saucepan. Even the movement of my thumb and index finger when typing causes pain from shoulder to elbow.

The technician was very understanding. I laughed when she asked if I could turn my hand behind my back. I could, but very carefully.

Got my trip to Michael's Craft store while I was in the city...20% off coupon, for all regular and sale items, plus 60% off one regular priced item. I couldn't pass it up, and bought more gifts than craft supplies.

Now to wait for the test results.