Vertigo

First off, I'd like to apologize to anyone who has suffered from vertigo, because I may not have been as understanding or empathetic as I could have been. I have balance issues with my MS, have to be touching something to stay steady, can't look up, can't be in the dark, but none of that compares to the vertigo I suffered when I woke up this morning.

I woke up and stood at the side of the bed to judge the pain, which has been much better since the new med. When I took my first step I was all over the place, slammed into the door frame of the bathroom, hit the wall and basically fell onto the toilet. What the hell was that, I wondered.

Didn't get any better so I spent most of the morning in bed, finally getting up so I could get something to eat to take my medication. Wondering if this could be the new pill, as opposed to a new MS symptom, I called the pharmacist. It is a possible side effect of the new med, so I didn't take it today to see if the vertigo goes away.

I feel somewhat better, though that's not saying much considering where I started the day. Not wanting to spend the day in bed I've been trying to sit up for awhile, and so far so good, until I stand and move.

It's been like standing on the deck of a ship in a storm, with rolling waves. At times I feel a little seasick.

My ankle still hurts from this morning, so maybe I gave it a bad landing in addition to hitting the door. And my elbow aches, so maybe I hit it too. I guess I'm feeling more pain, because I've not taken any pain relievers.

Tomorrow should be interesting. Will this be gone and I can say it's the medication, or an I being given another challenge with this miserable disease? Only time will tell.

Dem Bones, Dem Bones

Yesterday was day 2 on the new medication. I felt I had a bit more energy, and was moving around better.

I even managed to get the fairy lights attached to my black metal plant stand, with a lot of bending and reaching. I hate when I can hear the bones in my knee rub, and worried about the pain I would feel as a result, but there was none.

Today, I'm still moving better than usual, and pain is mild, a change for me.

My wrist aches, and is bothersome, but that may be my own fault for not sleeping with a brace on, to keep it straight.

I've taken today's pill, and am sitting here, upright, as directed. I'm not to lie down for at least a half hour after, in case of reflux I guess.

The sun is shining, the skies are blue, and my pain is being managed. Seems like it's a good day.

New Meds

I've been feeling down, the pain getting to me, along with the rain and miserable chilly damp weather.

I saw my doctor yesterday, and have two new prescriptions. One is a NSAID, a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug, a new one for me as I spent more than 10 years on Naprosyn, for the joint pain that has plagued me since my twenties.

Between the usual, my usual, MS symptoms, and the pain, it's been a rough year so far. My fatigue is so bad, I'm the Queen of Naps, an expert at the afternoon snooze. Does the pain make the fatigue worse, I'd say yes, as activity is a struggle.

The second medication I'm going to try is for nerve pain. That's very definitely related to the MS. I have pain running down the outside of my legs, numbness in my feet and stabbing pins and needles in my right thigh. Then there's the sharp stabbing pain in my fingertips...all nerve related.

So, I've taken the one new medication this morning, and am awaiting the results though the paper explaining the drug says it needs two weeks for full effect.

Today should have been a crash day, after driving out of town to the doctor, waiting for the prescriptions, shopping for a few groceries, but I feel surprisingly good. I've been on my computer, have walked out to water my plants and have the dishes done, almost as the last pan is still soaking.

We'll just have to wait and see. Here's hoping.

In my Garden

My daughter and her husband took me to Canadian Tire today to get the mulch for my garden and the last of the plants I needed. I do so love the slave labor.

As I was not up to walking too far today I used the walker so I could sit when needed. Back home I sat on the grass and watched my son-in-law spread the mulch while my daughter planted the last of the plants. It was great to have the help to get a few things done that would tax my energy and cause me pain.

 I was sitting in the walker on the grass and streaming out the fairy lights as my son-in-law attached them to the trio of trellises against the wall. I pushed the walker back a bit, and suddenly felt myself falling backward. Luckily for me I was able to stand, if I had fallen back I would have smashed my head on the concrete sidewalk behind me.

The bruise I have on my shin from earlier moving the patio chair is all the injury I need for today. I had a close call, but a beautiful garden.

Annual MS Walk

This is the 4th year that my wonderful family gathered to make the MS Walk. It was a dull and dreary day, rainy and wet but that didn't dampen our spirits.

I picked the little ones up at the half way point, and took them to the school, the meeting point. There we listened to music as we waited for the gang to arrive. We had lunch and took part in the usual festivities...the silent auction, the awards. We won the award for most spirited team, which we can add to our awards from previous years, team name and team costume.

We wear neon green T-shirts as of year 2. The next year we added baseball type caps, in black with a neon green brim. I also made name tags, the ones in plastic covers you can hang around your neck, in, of course, neon. I did each person's name in a different font and added the team name on the back. I figured we could add the years as we went along.

I found some neon green mitts for the kids, which were a welcome item this year as it was cold and damp.

Not sure what to add next year, shoe laces maybe, or scarves.

I don't know if the family realizes how important this day is for me. It is like Christmas, only I get the big gift. I love seeing the team picture every year, and find it amazing to see the changes in the grandkids.

This year I saw a woman in an electric wheelchair, totally dependent. She was there with her helper, and for the first time, it bothered me. I felt a sense of fear and dread, could that be me, and how soon? I guess it hit me worse this year because I struggle more every day, can feel this downward spiral I've been on the last few years.

I have given up more and more, so I want to hold on tight to what I can do. I fear the day when I can no longer be creative, and am not sure what I will do when that day comes.

Didn't want to put a damper on the good mood, but I need to be honest with myself. "It is what it is".

Pain, the Cost of Doing

I was out on Sunday, had a great dinner (barbecued steak) and a visit with friends and family. Before I left home I did a quick cleanup with my new vacuum, did the dishes and put stuff away. Then I had a little nap before I had the energy to shower and get dressed.

My granddaughter called later, asking when I was coming, and it was a good thing because I was resting and would probably have gone deep asleep and been late for dinner.

It was a good day and I drove home, tired but happy. It was a bit of a struggle walking from the car to my place, but I made it and immediately got ready for bed so I could lie down and put my feet up.

Anytime I have to sit with no back support I feel the fatigue, and the potential for increased pain in my neck and back. So I need to lie down, rest my head. That night I napped in the evening, and was asleep much earlier than usual.

The next day I was in such pain with my back I had trouble walking, so back to bed. I was up long enough to get the garbage out, but that was all I could manage.

I was up and about for short periods only, napped off and on all day, through the evening and slept until 4 A.M. the next morning. I was coming out of the resulting pain and fatigue cycle and read for a while, slept, then was ready to face the day.

It was actually a productive day, in that I had a visit with my friend, and finished a craft project. But the use of tools put a strain on my neck so it was early to bed. I crocheted and read, and all was well.

This is the way my life goes, for every day of activity, there's a cost paid in increased pain and fatigue, lost time. But, in the long run, it's worth the price as I got to spend time with family and am still mobile, able to do that.

I know the day will come when I'm not able to walk, won't be driving, and may lose my independence, but that day is not today.

Friendship

Friendship is a strange and wonderful thing. The one friend I spend the most time with turns 90 this year, and she is fit and very active. She goes to a bid euchre group three times a week, attends an exercise class and has dinner at the church each week.

Our friendship came about when I moved in across from her, and she happened to quit driving and gave up her car. I got her prime parking spot, and as I was struggling to walk, had the walker, life became so much easier for me when I could park closer. In appreciation, I started taking her with me when I went shopping, and made those trips to the grocery store, Dollarama and Walmart. That stretched out to casual get togethers.

She replaced, in a way, the neighbor I had at my other place. She was also in her eighties, and we often got together, her place or mine, made out of town shopping trips and such. Sometimes, when you live alone, it's just nice to have a few minutes of conversation.

My daughter laughs at me and jokes about my 'old lady' friends. But here's the thing, they are more at my level of activity. One night, a few years ago, my friend and I were leaving the restaurant after having dinner. I was walking with a cane and struggling with pain and fatigue after sitting. She was walking with ease. I asked her what was wrong with this picture, as she's older, gray haired, and having no problem, and I was younger and having much difficulty.

I had other friends more my age, but they've fallen by the wayside. They don't call, they don't write. That comment was a bit smart ass, couldn't resist.

I had one friend, and we enjoyed day trips, checking out the countryside, stopping for lunch, shopping in some of those unique little shops we'd find along our way. The first summer we missed doing this, it was because it was so hot, and hot weather is not my friend. We continued to have hot summers and have never made a trip since. There are other seasons, but people move on.

I know friendship is a two way street, you have to be a friend, to keep a friend. But, I have a problem with my increasing issues of limited mobility, increasing pain and fatigue, that I not be a burden. I need those friends to want to spend time with me, even if it's just an hour over coffee at my place because I'm too tired to get dressed to go out.

I hate when someone says 'call me', because my calendar is open and free, they are one's who are busy. I think they should call me when they have some free time. I know that sounds a little 'woe is me' but I hate when I do call and they are busy and it's a 'call me next week' kind of thing.

I recently cancelled on lunch out of town with my brother because I didn't feel up to the out of town drive, sitting for hours and driving home. He didn't let me cancel, but drove all the extra miles to take me out for lunch here. That's a good brother and a true friend. I don't know if he really understands how much that meant to me.

Those are the friends who matter, who recognize that even though I've changed physically, I'm still me. Those are the friends worth their weight in gold.