On Being a Hermit

I have been accused of being a hermit, because I like to stay home and don't go out unless I have to, or it's some family thing. I like the weekly soccer games for my granddaughter, because we have a visit first, and I get driven to and from the game. It makes my life so much easier.

I get to the store when I need groceries or a prescription filled, and think next winter I may make use of delivery services offered in town.

I realized just of late, why I like being home. Okay, some of that is that being creative is a solitary process, but the other is that I feel better at home.

I use the cane when I'm out, but after a short walking distance, am in such pain that walking is a struggle. I get tired, need to sit and there isn't always a spot to sit, so I lean on counters, whatever is handy. I look ungainly, and feel awkward. I should use the walker when I'm out, but it doesn't work when you use a cart in a store.

At home I walk about without the cane, and manage quite well, because I can sit when I need to, or even lie down for a short period. I do things in steps, with rest periods. Small chores take me days, like dusting or vacuuming, even dishes, and I can accept that as I have no one to answer to but myself.

So, I guess I am a bit of a hermit, but now I understand that at home is where I feel the most like me, and not that person struggling with a chronic illness. And isn't it fortunate for me that I have plenty of things I like to do...painting, reading, writing, crochet...to fill my day.

I have always been a bit of a loner, but people didn't notice as much when I lived a regular life of work and family, and now that look at that as a negative, when I think it's a positive. If I didn't have my hobbies, the pain and struggle of MS would defeat me.

It is what it is.

Winter Blahs, Spring is Near

I can't believe it's been more than a month since I posted. The winter is always a rough time for me, but then, when isn't it when you have a chronic illness.

I haven't felt as well of late, the fatigue at times overwhelming that I spend the majority of my time in bed. Deal with it, I tell myself and try to get the things done I need to do, but that eliminates so many other things.

Last week I was to have lunch with my brother, which meant a long drive, followed by a long lunch. As much as I love these trips into the city, the time with my brother, the opportunity to shop, sometimes I can't face even the walk across the parking lot to my car.

My brother, the best brother ever, came to me instead, and we had a visit, and lunch out. I so appreciate his effort, and the gifts.

It was a busy week, (my birthday), so I had another dinner out and some company. By Friday I was done and slept, off and on, for like eighteen hours. Felt like I'd lost a day and couldn't keep my calendar straight.

Apparently my favorite saying is "It is what it is" and I have a beautiful plaque to prove it. I think that sums up things for me, this is my life and I have to make the best of it, keeping fighting through the pain and the fatigue, or risk missing out on the good life has to offer.

And, it doesn't hurt to have some help along the way.