A number of negative life events happened to me at Christmas time, so the holiday has lost some of its charm for me, but I try to put on a positive front.
Because I have children, and grandchildren, I push through the season. But now that they have homes of their own, I find it easier to get through it on my own, my way. That means go like hell, shopping wrapping presents, baking, etc. Then I buy myself a new book by one of my favorite authors, a bottle of wine, and hunker down for the actual day.
I just want it all to be over with for another year.
I know some might say I’m dwelling on the past, and really I’m not. It’s a tough time to be alone, and you can’t help but think of all the what-ifs and what might-have-beens. Over the years I’ve had many invitations to join friends and their families for Christmas, but feel that being an outsider is worse than being alone.
My son dropped in today and I showed him some of the things I’d been working on, and I’ve been very productive...painting and crocheting. (There are 13 sets of hats and mitts for the family, joke gifts and ornaments for the tree.)
I laughed and said I didn’t know why I was going crazy making all this stuff.
My very wise and understanding son replied. “Because you’re fighting the depression that hits you every Christmas by being busy.”
How nice to have someone who understands and accepts. Love you, kiddo.