Monday, 21 March 2016

A Bit of Denial

I haven't been writing in this blog as regularly as I should...could, and I think part of that was to deny how I was actually feeling. It's been a rough few months, some worsening of old issues, some new.

Losing some muscle strength and having increased fatigue has sent me to my bed early in the evening, even though I never settle to sleep until late. I was having some eye trouble, and couldn't read but for short periods. Luckily, realizing I could crochet in bed kept me from going stir crazy.

I don't get out much, maybe once a week unless special events come up. I looked at my gas receipts and saw I haven't filled my tank since February 2nd, and I still have 3/4 of a tank.

Along with the flashing lights I've been getting, there's been some blurring, and being on the computer for long is difficult, so no writing.

Pain comes and goes, and I never know what kind of day it will be. Today had a rough beginning, but better now.

I have a new pain, well, months old now, but nothing I've felt before. My right shoulder is very painful, with various movements, like reaching back to put my arm in a sleeve or with any lifting. The pain is not in the shoulder really, but now is constant, running down from the shoulder joint to the elbow, and then there's the pain in my wrist and thumb.

I finally decided enough was enough, the heat, the analgesic ointments are no longer holding the pain at bay. Of course, when I called the doctor's office, they were closed for the day. Tomorrow for sure.

When I was first diagnosed with MS my greatest fear was losing my vision, and the use of my right hand. I can deal with the decreased mobility, but I need my hands and my sight to be creative.

Fear or denial, I'll make the appointments first thing in the morning. I've suffered in silence long enough.

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