I love that quote from the movie 'Unstoppable' about the train being "a wreck on a wreck". That is exactly how I feel today.
It seems as if all the good work from my pain workshop has been for naught. I had a great day Saturday, a day trip through the lovely fall countryside with my son and his family. Hours sitting in the car, some walking, maybe a lot of walking for me, but well worth it.
That night it was pain meds and the heating pad, as it was the next day. "The cost of doing business" one might say. And I accept that, have lived with that for too many years.
Yesterday, I had a turkey dinner for Thanksgiving with my daughter and her in laws. Not so much walking, but more sitting around. It seems the choices to sit are low, cushy sofas, or hard wooden kitchen chairs. I made it home but, now pay the consequences.
If I had my choice, I would still be in bed, but it's garbage day, a day I like to get things cleaned up and organized. I barely made it to the curb and back.
Pain is one thing, something I've lived with for too many years, it's the all over lousy feeling, the headache, the brain fog, the extreme fatigue that I find distressing. I can work through the pain, it's this other that I have a hard time coping with. The feeling of being a wreck on a wreck.
The garbage is out, and that may be all I get done today. Such a waste as the sun is shining and it is a beautiful fall day. I would have loved another day trip just to enjoy this Ontario autumn.
At least I have left over turkey for a sandwich...which may be the highlight of my day.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Sing it all together.....tomorrow, tomorrow...and I don't know any more of the lyrics, sorry Annie.
Tuesday, 11 October 2016
Monday, 3 October 2016
Knackered
It must be the change in the weather, but I have been so tired of late. After a few days of marathon napping, I found myself wide awake at that awful time...4 A.M..
I read, but wasn't making any sense of what I read, so I watched television, but I felt restless, unable to focus. So I picked up my crochet. Lucky for me I always have a project on the go.
Today, I took my neighbor to the lab so she could get her blood work done, and then we headed to Walmart. I needed groceries, and my prescription, and of course, yarn.
There was a notice in the paper, calling for knitters and crocheters, and yeah, I qualify. Apparently there are winter games being held in January for those over 55, and they want to present people with a scarf, so they need about 1000 to be made.
The requirements were simple, colors to be a medium to dark blue, a medium to dark green and some white, 65 inches long and 6 inches wide. Any design, any combination of those colors.
I can do that, so I bought some yarn.
I wore my best loved jean jacket but it was too much for the weather today, too hot to wear wandering the store. I sat on the bench to wait for my friend, and remembered my prescription, and had to wander to the far end of the store and back.
By the time I got back to the bench I was in a sweat, so tired I needed to get home to rest, cool off, and in such pain with my back and hip.
I see another nap in my future, and should start setting a timer, so I don't overdo it and interfere with my night time sleep.
I do hate this kind of fatigue when I have things I want and need to do. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.
I read, but wasn't making any sense of what I read, so I watched television, but I felt restless, unable to focus. So I picked up my crochet. Lucky for me I always have a project on the go.
Today, I took my neighbor to the lab so she could get her blood work done, and then we headed to Walmart. I needed groceries, and my prescription, and of course, yarn.
There was a notice in the paper, calling for knitters and crocheters, and yeah, I qualify. Apparently there are winter games being held in January for those over 55, and they want to present people with a scarf, so they need about 1000 to be made.
The requirements were simple, colors to be a medium to dark blue, a medium to dark green and some white, 65 inches long and 6 inches wide. Any design, any combination of those colors.
I can do that, so I bought some yarn.
I wore my best loved jean jacket but it was too much for the weather today, too hot to wear wandering the store. I sat on the bench to wait for my friend, and remembered my prescription, and had to wander to the far end of the store and back.
By the time I got back to the bench I was in a sweat, so tired I needed to get home to rest, cool off, and in such pain with my back and hip.
I see another nap in my future, and should start setting a timer, so I don't overdo it and interfere with my night time sleep.
I do hate this kind of fatigue when I have things I want and need to do. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.
Thursday, 22 September 2016
Peripheral Vision Test
My eye doctor suggested I have a test for my peripheral vision, and I had it done yesterday.
It seems like a simple, non-invasive test, but it was not that easy.
You cover one eye with a patch so the test is definitely measuring one eye at a time. You place your chin on the bar, to keep your head still and in place. The screen you look at is white, but in the center is a black circle, with an orange dot, slightly off center.
You are to stare at the black dot, and not let your eye scan to the side, above or below. They hand you a clicker, and when you see a flash, you click. The flashes are very small, and are only seen for a few seconds, so it's hard to know if it was a flash or not. The flashes move around your visual field in what appears to be a random pattern, all done by computer.
I began to think there was a delay, or disconnect between what I saw and how fast my brain worked to interpret things before I clicked. It got very confusing, which flash was I responding to, did I click too slow, or not at all.
Right eye, then left eye.
I found staring at the black circle to cause some confusion. The white area would darken, the black circle became more prominent and developed a green colored aura. Blinking rapidly made those changes go away, back to the normal, but it probably made me miss some of the flashes.
I felt I saw fewer flashes with the left than the right eye, but who knows.
I think they should give people a pretest, so you realize that the flashes are fairly pinpoint, and so one might better understand the test. Just my opinion.
At any rate, the office called, and I have to have the test repeated, why, I don't know. Maybe I failed because my MS brain doesn't work the way it should. It will be end of November now before I know anything for sure.
It seems like a simple, non-invasive test, but it was not that easy.
You cover one eye with a patch so the test is definitely measuring one eye at a time. You place your chin on the bar, to keep your head still and in place. The screen you look at is white, but in the center is a black circle, with an orange dot, slightly off center.
You are to stare at the black dot, and not let your eye scan to the side, above or below. They hand you a clicker, and when you see a flash, you click. The flashes are very small, and are only seen for a few seconds, so it's hard to know if it was a flash or not. The flashes move around your visual field in what appears to be a random pattern, all done by computer.
I began to think there was a delay, or disconnect between what I saw and how fast my brain worked to interpret things before I clicked. It got very confusing, which flash was I responding to, did I click too slow, or not at all.
Right eye, then left eye.
I found staring at the black circle to cause some confusion. The white area would darken, the black circle became more prominent and developed a green colored aura. Blinking rapidly made those changes go away, back to the normal, but it probably made me miss some of the flashes.
I felt I saw fewer flashes with the left than the right eye, but who knows.
I think they should give people a pretest, so you realize that the flashes are fairly pinpoint, and so one might better understand the test. Just my opinion.
At any rate, the office called, and I have to have the test repeated, why, I don't know. Maybe I failed because my MS brain doesn't work the way it should. It will be end of November now before I know anything for sure.
Thursday, 15 September 2016
Isn't it Nice
The weather has changed, cooler temperatures especially at night so it makes for a good night's sleep.
The inside thermometer reads 71 decrees F., probably the lowest it's been for three months. I can feel the breeze across my feet, and need to put some socks on, my toes are cold.
I haven't been feeling the greatest, and, according to my neighbor, look pale and tired. I can admit she is right. Can't put my finger on what is wrong, maybe it's a response to the weather and my body is slow to adapt.
This morning I was lazing in bed, enjoying the cool, bundled up in my blankets, when the phone rang. It was my neighbor. She was checking in on me, concerned as to how I was. We talked for a few minutes and I got up to face the day. My mood is better, and how could it not be?
It's so nice to have someone check on me. We do this for each other, as my neighbor has no family close. She is a (hate the word) spry 89 year old, and is more mobile me, but I have a car and take her to the store with me whenever I go. Saves her the trek out to the bus.
We all have our issues. What's important is to help each other, so we don't feel quite so isolated and alone.
The inside thermometer reads 71 decrees F., probably the lowest it's been for three months. I can feel the breeze across my feet, and need to put some socks on, my toes are cold.
I haven't been feeling the greatest, and, according to my neighbor, look pale and tired. I can admit she is right. Can't put my finger on what is wrong, maybe it's a response to the weather and my body is slow to adapt.
This morning I was lazing in bed, enjoying the cool, bundled up in my blankets, when the phone rang. It was my neighbor. She was checking in on me, concerned as to how I was. We talked for a few minutes and I got up to face the day. My mood is better, and how could it not be?
It's so nice to have someone check on me. We do this for each other, as my neighbor has no family close. She is a (hate the word) spry 89 year old, and is more mobile me, but I have a car and take her to the store with me whenever I go. Saves her the trek out to the bus.
We all have our issues. What's important is to help each other, so we don't feel quite so isolated and alone.
Wednesday, 14 September 2016
It Never Fails
I had a productive day yesterday, for me at least. I love those days when I feel I've accomplished something, instead of just lying around like a slug, collecting dust.
One of those things I managed was to....dust. Doesn't sound like a lot, but for me it takes a lot of effort, and energy. I have four bookcases, filled with books and collectibles, so more work required.
I finished a project for Christmas, another check mark in the plus column.
And the biggie, I formatted my book, have it ready to go live on Kindle. As I haven't gone for my new computer glasses, it was a strain on the eyes, and a mental exercise I haven't felt up to with all this hot weather.
I called my friend, and she dropped by and I was able to pay her the money I owed and give her the little thank you gift I picked up. Next time we go to Costco I'll take more cash.
So it was a good day, and because of that, today isn't.
I slept soundly and would still be in my bed if I didn't have my housekeeper coming this morning. I know, I know, why did I dust if I had help coming? I only have her for an hour, so we agreed that she would do the bathroom and the floors.
I've told myself for the last two times she was here, I'd get the dusting done. Finally made it. Like I said, it was a productive day.
One of those things I managed was to....dust. Doesn't sound like a lot, but for me it takes a lot of effort, and energy. I have four bookcases, filled with books and collectibles, so more work required.
I finished a project for Christmas, another check mark in the plus column.
And the biggie, I formatted my book, have it ready to go live on Kindle. As I haven't gone for my new computer glasses, it was a strain on the eyes, and a mental exercise I haven't felt up to with all this hot weather.
I called my friend, and she dropped by and I was able to pay her the money I owed and give her the little thank you gift I picked up. Next time we go to Costco I'll take more cash.
So it was a good day, and because of that, today isn't.
I slept soundly and would still be in my bed if I didn't have my housekeeper coming this morning. I know, I know, why did I dust if I had help coming? I only have her for an hour, so we agreed that she would do the bathroom and the floors.
I've told myself for the last two times she was here, I'd get the dusting done. Finally made it. Like I said, it was a productive day.
Thursday, 8 September 2016
Struggling With Pain
Why is it that when your back hurts, everything is suddenly a struggle?
The toilet paper bin is empty, the new rolls in the bottom of the cupboard, the crock pot is in the back behind all the other pots and pans, and putting clean dishes away, in the bottom cupboard, of course, a plastic lid falls down and I have to reach to remove it so I can put the bowls away.
FRUSTRATION ++++++++
It seems that sitting for an hour or so, on the walker seat, is not good for my back, but better than standing.
I was doing this sitting in a horse barn, watching my granddaughter's riding lesson. So, over all, it was worth a bit of back pain.
This is the way it goes for me. Sitting for any length of time, on a hard seat, maybe without back support, and I pay for it the next day.
And, oh joy, hockey season is starting and my grandson plays, and have you seen those seats in the arena? I may have to consider that OBUS form again, and carry it with me. Another step of acceptance, like the cane, like the walker.
The only other choice is to stay home, and not be part of family events. I'll take the pain.
The toilet paper bin is empty, the new rolls in the bottom of the cupboard, the crock pot is in the back behind all the other pots and pans, and putting clean dishes away, in the bottom cupboard, of course, a plastic lid falls down and I have to reach to remove it so I can put the bowls away.
FRUSTRATION ++++++++
It seems that sitting for an hour or so, on the walker seat, is not good for my back, but better than standing.
I was doing this sitting in a horse barn, watching my granddaughter's riding lesson. So, over all, it was worth a bit of back pain.
This is the way it goes for me. Sitting for any length of time, on a hard seat, maybe without back support, and I pay for it the next day.
And, oh joy, hockey season is starting and my grandson plays, and have you seen those seats in the arena? I may have to consider that OBUS form again, and carry it with me. Another step of acceptance, like the cane, like the walker.
The only other choice is to stay home, and not be part of family events. I'll take the pain.
Friday, 2 September 2016
A Short Term Cool Down
I can't keep up with the changes in the weather. After months of it being so hot, we've had a few days where it been more comfortable days and cooler nights. The breeze coming in my window was so cool, my feet were frozen and I had to get socks.
Apparently next week it will be hot again, but it won't last for long, fall is inevitable, you know, because of the earth turning on its axis and all.
My place is not very big, so it seems to hold the heat. I've made do with fans, as I hate air conditioning, but fans don't help when you need to use the stove. My oven hasn't been on since June, and I've made do with the stove top or the microwave.
My neighbor has air conditioning, and I've been treated to muffins when she's baked. There is a plus, I guess, but I like my windows open, to see the breeze flutter the drapes, hear the noises of summer.
I hope to make a few day trips, when the leaves change color. I missed most of it last year, so have some routes planned already.
My friend was quite happy to go with me, said we could take our cameras and pack a lunch. I just looked at her and shook my head. We'll take the cameras, I told her, but we'll go out for lunch. We're old, I reminded her, with old bladders, so we'll need a bathroom. She laughed and agreed.
We'll see what we can manage.
Apparently next week it will be hot again, but it won't last for long, fall is inevitable, you know, because of the earth turning on its axis and all.
My place is not very big, so it seems to hold the heat. I've made do with fans, as I hate air conditioning, but fans don't help when you need to use the stove. My oven hasn't been on since June, and I've made do with the stove top or the microwave.
My neighbor has air conditioning, and I've been treated to muffins when she's baked. There is a plus, I guess, but I like my windows open, to see the breeze flutter the drapes, hear the noises of summer.
I hope to make a few day trips, when the leaves change color. I missed most of it last year, so have some routes planned already.
My friend was quite happy to go with me, said we could take our cameras and pack a lunch. I just looked at her and shook my head. We'll take the cameras, I told her, but we'll go out for lunch. We're old, I reminded her, with old bladders, so we'll need a bathroom. She laughed and agreed.
We'll see what we can manage.
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