I cancelled out on plans yesterday because I just didn’t feel up to going out and sitting about socializing. People don’t understand how really tiring it is to talk to people, to keep track of multiple conversations, to sit upright and pay attention.
I’ve had a rough week and I just wanted to stay home, wanted it enough I passed up on the barbecued steak my son has promised me all summer. Social time with strangers is stressful, but just because its family doesn’t mean it’s any easier.
My son dropped in with the kids and we had a visit her, after which I had a nap. I have plans for today, though the way I’m feeling I want to cancel.
I usually shower or bathe at night as the exertion, combined with the heat of the water, leaves me exhausted. A better feeling before going to bed than going out. But I wasn’t up to it last night.
I’ve showered and now, as I write this, my head is pounding, my eyes are heavy and I need to rest. I knew it was a bad idea to shower before I went out but I didn’t have any choice. Why does something so necessary and so everyday cause my day to be ruined and lost. I’m feeling the brain fog taking over.
Soon I’ll have to get dressed, walk out to my car, load the walker, drive to my friends and meet all my old neighbours and pretend I want to be there. It all seems too much and it’s much easier to just stay home.
And really, I would like to be there, to meet with some friends, but not when I can barely keep my head up. I’m going to take a couple of advil and lie down, maybe a miracle will occur and I’ll feel better when I get up.