The Recliner Chair

When I saw the doctor last fall, and we discussed my issue with declining upper body strength, she suggested I get a recliner chair. With the chair reclined, it takes on the burden of supporting my head and shoulders.

I received a lot of advice before making this purchase. My brother wanted me to get the deluxe model, the one with heat, massage and what he called the ‘ejector seat’. I agreed that the simple, more frequently found chair might work for now, but I needed to think ahead.

I found my brother really got into this project, and did some research, sending me pictures of chairs he found on line. He forgets my shopping is more limited here than it is in the city. He solved that problem by offering to pick me up and take me chair shopping. I appreciated the gesture, but found a solution quite by surprise.

I was on my way to the dentist, had a few minutes to spare and decided to check out the sale at the Medicine Shoppe next door to the dental office. There in the middle of the store sat a recliner, on sale, with all the gadgets and gizmos. And free delivery. Sold.

My son and his family were here when the chair was delivered, so he spent time and effort getting it properly plugged in and positioned. The kids sat in it and gave the power a try, laughing when the seat raised them to a standing position.

By reclining the chair I take the strain of sitting upright off my back, and get the added bonus of having my feet elevated, to reduce swelling. I don’t need the power ‘lift’ to get out of the chair, but can see that it will come in handy when I feel tired, or with what is most likely, more decline.

I’m a good Scout, and believe in the old motto…Be Prepared.

Making Life Easier

With the changes I was experiencing, I felt my quality of life begin to suffer. What time I had to be productive was limited and it always seemed to come with some kind of struggle. Last fall I began sorting through my closets and drawers, trying to make life easier, by getting rid of the clutter.

My place is so small this task should have been quick and easy, but I have lived with the mess of it and the time it’s taken to get it done. Since that time I have managed to take two carloads of ‘stuff’ to the Blue Box, and garbaged a lot more.

It took months, but I have made some changes to my living space that make life easier for me. I moved the printer up to eye level, saving the bending and eye strain when it was on a lower shelf. I reorganized the coat closet, and have my hat and mitts in a handier spot, along with my cleaning supplies, the garbage bags, etc.

I cleaned out my drawers and closet with that old rule in mind, if it hasn’t been worn in the last year, get rid of it, and I was fairly compliant.

My bed is high off the floor, with six drawers underneath, more bending and cursing when the comforter got in the way. I bought a tall, narrow cabinet with four shelves (that my son kindly picked up, put together and positioned in place), and moved all my fleece jackets, sweats and sweaters into it, along with all my jeans and comfy pants. The drawers now hold my stash of yarn. Works for me, and in the process I found clothes I’d forgotten about in those bottom drawers.

I also gained hanging space in the closet, from where the fleece items were hung, and with a couple of those space-saving multiple hangar things my son gave me.

In the kitchen, I put everything possible into baskets, so instead of reaching and sorting through the cupboard, I can pull down the basket and find what I want. I rid the shelves of all the outdated stuff that I had saved for that someday I might bake or cook with some creativity. Not going to happen, not anymore. The things I use are now within reach.

A good start, and a smart move looking ahead. Now the biggest obstacle is to move the phone within reach from the bed. I haven’t quite figured that one out. If one of the kids call and I take a bit of time to answer, they know I was still in bed, or had gone back to bed. I’m faster  and the phone is closer in my chair.

Looking after me, finally.

More Changes

It was frustrating to say the least, to find myself, if not exactly bedridden, spending so much time in bed. I read and watched television, but that was about it. This behavior did not allow me much time or energy for being creative.

I had forced the issue all fall, painting, crafting, and crocheting, as a way of avoiding what was happening. I would work a bit, sit, nap, do a bit more, but now I had another symptom, and needed to see the doctor.

I was experiencing pain at the base of my throat, felt a fullness that was bothersome, but not choking. This feeling came and went, worse when tired? I wasn’t sure.

I saw the doctor at the end of November and she ordered a chest x-ray and an ultrasound. She was questioning whether my thyroid was enlarged and pressing on my esophagus. I never had the ultrasound done until January, as it was booked and cancelled four times. The first two times were because the technician was quite ill and there was no replacement, the third time I cancelled because it was the day before our family dinner, and I didn’t need the drain to my energy the day before. The last time it was delayed was due to a winter storm.

Finally, in January, I was determined, come hell or high water, to get it done. No snow was expected that day, but the temperature dropped to minus 16 Celsius, and I worried that the car would get me there and back with no problems.

Waiting gives way to worry, and I with every delay I grew more afraid of the possibilities. End result, I had the tests and all was well, sort of.

That pressure feeling was not my thyroid, which was actually small in size, though the radiologist did question whether the pressure I was feeling had a pulsing sensation as, apparently, my right carotid artery is somewhat misplaced to the centre and could be some pressure on the esophagus. It didn’t feel pulsing to me, so not the issue.

We, the doctor and I, decided not to pursue any further testing, and that I would keep my eye on it, and try to see if there was anything that seemed to bring it on, make it worse.

There are two more likely causes or explanations. It could be another of those fickle MS symptoms, vague and difficult to diagnose or explain, or it’s related to the three pinched nerves on my cervical spine.

Time will tell. 

Avoidance

I’ve been avoiding this blog site, and have no excuses other than I realize I was avoiding putting into words the way I was feeling.

A hot summer, a busy time with a fall wedding, I knew I needed some time to regroup and get back to my ‘normal’. It didn’t happen. I then blamed the holidays, but I could feel the changes, slow for sure, but still changes. I was weaker, my was fatigue kicking in faster than before.

With a disease like MS, the changes can be slow and subtle. I find I do little things to adapt physically, without actually being aware of what I’m doing.

Case in point. I know my fatigue is much more problematic. I feel exhausted just getting ready to go out, and push myself through the activity. Sleep does nothing to ease this kind of tiredness.

I’ve gone from cane to walker, and do better with that two handed support, and make use of the cart in stores for the same reason.

But, I realized the new habit I’d acquired…and it was light bulb time. Whenever I sit where I have no upper body support, I place my hands on my knees or thighs and let my arms take the weight of my head and shoulders.

I became aware I take this stance when I go to the bathroom, something I’d thought was for those sleepy, middle of the night excursions, but was something I did routinely in some form or another, elbows on the table, counters, the cart or the walker. Even when driving I was pushing, straight armed against the steering wheel for support.

The overwhelming fatigue I felt had driven me from my wing back chair to my bed. By the time I have dinner, I’m done, and I have to lie down where I have full body support.

I’m losing upper body strength, and indicator of the ongoing decline in my condition, and the slow, but steady progression of my disease.

No More Salt

Boy, when a girl takes a few days to enjoy some food with friends and family over the holidays, she shouldn't have to pay a penalty. All foods during the holidays should be calorie and salt free.

Wednesday was our family dinner, Thursday some crackers and cheese, some dip, some leftovers, and Christmas day more munchies and more ham.

Because those were some busy days I didn't have the time, (which means I wasn't at home parked outside the bathroom) to take my Lasix, a diuretic or water pill.

Today I woke up with my eyes all swollen, feeling bloated and puffy. I took the Lasix early and swear I have lost 5 pounds in fluid. I'm spending so much time in the bathroom I've left my book there to occupy my time with this marathon of peeing.

I have to get back on a regular schedule for this pill, as the fluid sneaks up on me and then I have trouble breathing, my hands are tight, and my ankles swollen.

There's an item for my New Year's list of resolutions. To rid myself of fluid retention.

Christmas Blues

A number of negative life events happened to me at Christmas time, so the holiday has lost some of its charm for me, but I try to put on a positive front.

Because I have children, and grandchildren, I push through the season. But now that they have homes of their own, I find it easier to get through it on my own, my way. That means go like hell, shopping wrapping presents, baking, etc. Then I buy myself a new book by one of my favorite authors, a bottle of wine, and hunker down for the actual day.

I just want it all to be over with for another year.

I know some might say I’m dwelling on the past, and really I’m not. It’s a tough time to be alone, and you can’t help but think of all the what-ifs and what might-have-beens. Over the years I’ve had many invitations to join friends and their families for Christmas, but feel that being an outsider is worse than being alone.

My son dropped in today and I showed him some of the things I’d been working on, and I’ve been very productive...painting and crocheting. (There are 13 sets of hats and mitts for the family, joke gifts and ornaments for the tree.)

I laughed and said I didn’t know why I was going crazy making all this stuff.

My very wise and understanding son replied. “Because you’re fighting the depression that hits you every Christmas by being busy.”

How nice to have someone who understands and accepts. Love you, kiddo.

A Rant of Frustration

I woke early this morning, barely able to make it to the bathroom and back to bed due to back pain. I settled on the heating pad, read for awhile and finally went back to sleep. When I woke a second time I felt fuzzy headed, but the pain had lessened and I could move a bit easier. This morning stiffness usually eases once I’m up and around, depending on what I do.

Last night I left my dishes in the sink, in water, and decided to leave them as I was too tired and in too much pain to stand at the sink. That mess faced me this morning. I emptied the sink of the cold water and refilled it. But before I tackled the dishes I made a coffee and sat down with my morning yogurt, as I need food with my morning pills.

It never fails though, on these days that start with pain, that the little things that make it an aggravating day are ready to give me grief. Like why I seem to be so clumsy that I have to bend over and to pick up whatever I dropped.

For example, I dropped my pen and it rolled under the sofa, and couldn’t be reached without my getting down on hands and knees. I am so embarrassed that it’s such a struggle to get up (bad knees, bad back), and I could never have managed it if I didn’t lean heavily on the chair. God forbid I ever fall and have nothing to help me get back on my feet.

I tossed something in the recycling, and it bounced off the edge of the container to land on the floor. Bend over and pick it up.

So, that’s my morning so far, and I’m writing this as I finish my coffee before I try to finally get my dishes done. I can tell the day will be a struggle. My right eye feels funny and it’s difficult to focus. For every few letters I type, I backspace to correct the errors.

It’s very frustrating as there are so many things I need to do. Christmas is only weeks away and I’m not quite done with the handmade portion of my gifts. Not going to be easy if I can’t see what I’m doing. I have only a few things left to buy as I shop early, when I can, for I can never count on being able to run around at the last minute.

Yesterday I picked up some groceries, and made a quick trip to the dollar store. I was so very fatigued by the time I got home. There were a few other errands I wanted to run, but realized that it would be impossible.

The days of my running into a store for one item are long gone. I have to do as much as I can at one place, or do without. What I do, where I go, is dependent on how far away I have to park, and how far I have to walk. Time does not rule my life, but my pain and fatigue definitely do.

To add further insult, yesterday I attempted to get all my purchases from the car to my place in one trip using the walker. At the door, all the bags I had balanced on the seat slipped and everything landed on the ground, except my eggs, which I had wisely put in the small basket attached to the front.

That was my last straw, I picked everything up (more and more bending), got my groceries put away, and made a quick sandwich for supper. I had planned to do the dishes, as they’d accumulated over the last few days, but by seven P.M. I was back in bed on the heating pad, the dishes in the sink forgotten.

Not to be a whiner, but it’s wearing, this inability to do things, and yet I know I am so much better off than others.

There are times I don’t leave the house for days on end, and have little to no company. That’s to be expected with my disease, and lucky for me, I’ve always been a homebody, content with her own company. But there are those times I wish I could go out and have some fun, some good times, but then socializing is extremely draining, all that noise and activity, trying to keep up with conversations.

I’m not sure why I feel so down today, and I apologize that I used this forum to vent. But sometimes, just saying it, whether it’s out loud to a sympathetic listener, or in writing for a stranger to read, it helps me get through the day.

I’m heading back to bed as soon as the dishes are done. I refuse to leave them and have to begin a third time. Maybe after a nap I’ll feel better and can manage some of the projects waiting for me.

Thanks for being my sounding board.